Battle of Saloons

Yaris Test

Ahh … these morons and their keke dance… chocolate girls and twerking, now that’s perfect. Things beyond that are redundant…. Sshh.. just an observation.

Good day ladies and gents. Lets talk about my love affair with saloon cars. Yes off course! this is an automotive blog.

“Are you riding?

Say you’ll never ever leave from beside me

Cause I want ya, and I need ya…”

Toyota 2000 GT ‘one of the most beautiful cars ever made’ 

Alright alright, concentrate. So yeah. Saloon cars or sedans as they are known, are my favourite type of cars. They sit low, they have sexy aesthetics, only shape of car that has a bottom. The most beautiful cars ever made are of three-box shape, but since they are produced around the globe every saloon will have an essence of its origins. One of my all-time favourites is something called a Toyota 2000 GT. It is a vintage car but one of the most salivating designs of its time. Co-built by Yamaha for all you bikers. The interior on these especially is an absolute homage to Yamaha music instruments. Sheesh! I repent for selling my guitar. I could go on and on but I have limited wording. And that brings us to the topic in question. Is the new Toyota Yaris better than its competition? I drove it and came back impressed. I will have a different take on this. Less specifications, more banter. I will compare it to its competition, each one being a hypothetical female. This is no review, just a laugh. Reviews? there are too many out there.

Hyundai Verna as College Girl

Probably the most valuable car in the segment. Loaded with features. Price range also desirable. Comes with a plethora of engines and gearboxes. Nothing can go wrong with the Hyundai Verna. That’s why it is one of the top selling sedans. It is almost perfect but there is a big BUT.

Why college girl then?

Hyundai Verna, quite urban in its aesthetics

It looks sexy. Every detail is well designed. It is modern and exciting in its appearance. Both cabin and exterior. The other bit is that it is rich in technology. They offer it with ventilated front seats, auto headlights and navigation system along with a lot of safety kit. One of the best in car touch systems. The only element that irritates me, actually drives me mad is the lack of sporty genes. The steering is lifeless. No feedback at all. Same with the rest of the controls. The drivetrains on offer are very competent but don’t seem to exist. You don’t feel connected to the car. The Verna drives well but feels detached only because of the amount of electronics. See? College girl appeal. Very proficient but needs a Wi-Fi connection to communicate.

Specs as driven
Engine: 1.6 L Petrol
Power: 120 bhp Torque: 150 Nm
Transmission: 6-speed manual
Price ex-showroom: 9.8 lakh; 14.2k USD (SX trim)

Volkswagen Vento as Gold Digger

If I was a buyer for a vehicle in this range I would call the VW a great package. Where to start. Unmatched build quality. It won’t have any criticism in the looks department. Good set of engines, trims and badge snobbery. People do think high of you in a German car. I do not know the concept of German cars but everyone just praises them. Nobody minds paying the extra.

Volkswagen Vento
VW Vento Understated and boxy

There was one in my family, so I had the chance of an occasional drive at times. One of the best driving cars on Indian roads period. Very well calibrated and rigid chassis combined with the torquey motor and steering feedback is just right. Unfortunately, the one I drove had a major engine failure which meant overhauling it entirely. The damage cost was worth more than an average Indian salary.

That’s what makes it a gold digger. The perception is too high. Just a fake image that is. And that image does cost a handful. As for me I never felt an emotion to the car. It’s too plain and bitter. Good instrument from A to B. Quite literally.   

Specs as driven

Engine: 1.6L TDi Diesel

Power: 100 bhp Torque: 250 Nm

Transmission: 5-speed manual

Price ex-showroom: 10.0 lakh; 14.4k USD (Comfortline trim)

Honda City as Fiancé

Ahh… The Honda City, the one with the throne ehh. Everybody yearns to have one of these. The Japanese firms bread and butter. Lot of heritage in the Indian market meaning the resale value always stays high. Lets start with the looks as I always do. It is not the best but not the ugliest looking either. Wonder why I said fiancé? The city has good proportions with curvatures in the right places. The addition of DRL lights adds some lustre to the front.

Honda City
Honda City still on the throne

The city has become a mature option with time. One of the most comfortable cars, well-built and good ambience on the inside as always. Its more sensible. But then the engine is a gem. Probably the only enthusiastic part of the car which draws some attention from the younger audience. You rev and rev till the redline at seven thousand rpm, slot it into gears which is more delicious than ice-cream. This is the real deal.  Steering is light but has decent feedback to drive enthusiastically. And Oh my lord ! when the cam comes in play…. Yippee !!  VTEC baby.  

So what’s up with the fiancé thing. Well, it has become costlier than the competition. But it is desirable. It feels complete, no fuss whatsoever. People who hate a Honda city are the ones who do not like ice cream. I should have said dessert. Would have painted a completely different picture. Hahahah… I genuinely love the City. 

Specs as driven

Engine: 1.5 L Petrol

Power: 118 bhp Torque: 145 Nm

Transmission: 5-speed manual

Price ex-showroom: 10-11 lakh; 15.5k USD  (VX trim)

And finally

Toyota Yaris as Aunty in a Sari

Don’t be pissed with me for calling the Yaris ‘aunty’ but it is just dowdy for my taste, bulbous in appearance. It is so frustrating because Toyota can produce stylish automobiles, I said before. Check the 2018 Camry. Launched in the same year as the Indian Yaris but miles better.

Toyota  Yaris, the new entrant

I had a test drive for a few minutes and came back impressed. To start with, it is a very comforting car. Hospitable I may say like an aunty. Toyota has introduced roof mounted air vents, first in class that is. The interior is decent in quality but lacks oomph for me, very pleasant though. Touchscreen infotainment is the norm, so you have that. There is some kind of gesture control with the radio.

Sitting at the wheel you feel cocooned because the dash peaks high. Engine is very smooth and refined mated to a sweet gearbox. You sense the weight of the car while driving. The motor has enough pep but feels lethargic, in a good way that is. The steering wheel itself is meaty to hold and has assuring weight. Nothing to complain about the car as a purchase option. If anyone is interested, please choose the variant with minimal chrome. The bling is like an aunty with stilettos. Nobody wants to see that. Hahaha…. That image is going to haunt everyone.

Toyota Yaris interior is a pleasant place to be seated in   

Just to add more. Toyotas service. What a wonderful experience. We had a female sales person. Sat there for a while and were offered refreshments. Poor girl struggled with the feature list on each variant. There was no manual car for test-drive but they managed to go around the back, fetch a base model customer-car and get it for test drive. We were expecting an unlucky day but managed to drive it. Hats off to Toyota.      

Specs as driven

Engine: 1.5 L Petrol

Power: 105 bhp Torque: 140 Nm

Transmission: 6-speed manual

Price ex-showroom: 10.5 lakh; 15.2k USD (G trim) 

There’s one car missing from the list. Yes, the Suzuki Ciaz. Very competent offering in the class. I couldn’t just think of a character. I’ll leave it up to you to decide. Okay?

Oh wait maybe I got this. It is affordable and efficient in probably every aspect. Looks much better than the Toyota I reckon. Hmm …. Side chick? It will always be deemed as a tin-can and undesirable. Sad truth.

So folks. The Honda for me. I have other reasons for choosing it. We’ll chat on that some time in future.

So long!

Lamborghini Performante versus Tesla X

Lamborghini Huracan Performante

Alright people?

I am assuming most of you reading may have experienced the job scene. Basically, the ups and downs of a job. The drawbacks will most likely include a manager you hate and that’s the reason you won’t mind leaving your hard-earned career position; because the interview phase was itself a nightmare. We are all taught form the start that being excellent in academic’s results in a five-figure salary. Nobody warns us about the type of morons we have to cope with.

It is always the cocky ones that end up being managers. It is like giving absolute military power to a person who can’t even form proper educated sentences. Every company’s success depends on how unified its workforce is. In my past few employee positions I have arrived to a conclusion that very few people love their job and everyone’s sole motive is to religiously coin their bank account.

Still, why do managers think they are better?

And that my friends brings me to the topic for this post. Tesla; now am not going to detail much because we may have another post specifically for that. The CEO of the company, Mr E Moosk. People have even started calling him God. I am not going to ramble on him today because the cars are of my interest. Geeks and grumpy old men all over have compared a tesla product to a Lamborghini claiming it to be a value-for-money proposition.

Tesla Model X car charger
Tesla Model X fueling itself

If you are really caught up with VFM on the automobile front, I tell you they do make one and its insanely practical. It’s called an Uber. Why not? You don’t have to worry about ownership costs right?. Then consider luxury the end of the spectrum. Everything posh is bought because of its essence, an intangible value. So why compare electricity to flames and fire?

What I mean to say is the tesla is a bi-product of management people. Why? Well it has a business value. The engineering fellows are appointed a project and they have to deliver it. That is what the Tesla Model X is. Relax you don’t have to choke on your avocado. I am not going to say anything bad. Meaning, It is easier to produce an electric car because it is less complicated. Everything is already invented. Why the hefty price tag? Because they can fool people.

Performante Verde
Lamborghi Huracan Performante Verde

And so, the Lamborghini Huracan Performante. Say it like a proper Italian. Wiggle your hand and all that. The Lamborghini is expensive because it is visceral, and that is not a numerical value. This is a car definitely made by passionate engineers while the accountants are asleep. It is the sports version of a Huracan. Basically its like that smart water of water. haha… how do you make water from water?

Funny story, you may know that Audi is the parent company for Lamborghini. The Performante was actually developed without anyone’s intervention. The engineers found a new aerodynamic system and also patented it. Then they presented it to the Audi executives. This made the German executives furious, one of them even quoting “why did we not invent it first?”.

Talking of aerodynamics and design, this Lamborghini does look menacing, thanks to the subtle alterations from the base Huracan. The cuts and lines and edges all sum up to an angry bull. Dressed in a loud colour and it’s a feast for your eyes. The spoiler definitely has an illusion of a tail indicating it’s all set for war. Look at the bull on the badge and then picture this car facing the front towards you, it will have that intuition. Reminds me of what I witnessed today.

Lamborghini ALA System
Air moving into the spoiler and then out. Simple but effective.

This is the real truth, no lies. I was walking to catch a train today, until I stumbled upon a black coloured Lamborghini Huracan, what a coincidence right?. I stopped there, admired the car and salivated. It is a gorgeous supercar. A bunch of dudes walking by started clicking photographs. So I left and literally after two minutes saw a Ferrari 488 parked on the roadside in red or ROSSO CORSA with a black roof and turned front wheels. I kid you not, I just whispered. “Oooooo……. hello baby!!” the sensations I had at that very moment were like seeing the girl of my dreams in a mini skirt and her legs crossed (wheels) and a lot of other feelings I cannot mention here. I am sorry to raise the big F word but you cannot talk about supercars without bringing it up.

Performante Wheels
Gold wheels black calipers, that is stiletto level stuff.

The Performante on the other hand has a different vibe, quiet like a hooker, like I said in my previous posts. It looks raunchy in daylight as well as in no light, in any crazy colour that too. Those wheels, OH MY LORD. I’ve seen one in gold colour. Lots of explicit details. I was talking about the aero, until we went off topic. Most fast cars have automated spoilers which means it requires electric actuators adding more weight to the car. In the case of the performante, the spoiler is static. It is hollow. The car has flaps under the spoiler and in the front that auto open close depending on the situation. This whole stuff helps to reduce weight and also lap time. It is so simple no one ever thought about it.

Performance any good? Yes, the Performante sits on the same skeleton as an Audi r8, so most of the components are shared. The engine for instance, the glorious v10 probably the last of the naturally aspirated big boy engines. The car now puts out 630 hp and torque of 600 Nm. The numbers don’t seem impressive but it is a light automobile with all-wheel-drive which makes it really quick. The Performante is the fastest mid-engine supercar on the planet at the moment. Whist we are still in the talk of performance, the sound. It is a loud car, loud enough to notify your girlfriend that shes got time to hide her benefits. To me the noise mimics a grunt-ty effect but it sounds good at low revs thanks to the 10-pot rumble. I wish it could deliver a high pitch above 8k rpm.

Performante Interior
Performante Interior

The Permormante’s German genes will make it the most practical and user-friendly sports car money can buy. Its okay the sporty parts are not German, am guessing they are Korean. It has a digital dash and the coolest starter switch. Apparently, the seats are very uncomfortable. The pizzazz this car emits is something else. Definitely the craziest thing on four wheels period.

So what was I on about the tesla thing. Well it is a van to start with. It’s got flying doors and dancing tunes. The multimedia is specially tuned to use LIT and FIRE in its vocabulary, sophistication to the max right?…… meh meh meh… IDGAF.  Watch this Lamborghini commercial.

Hahaha.. even sound cannot keep up with a lamborghini. Thats how lamborghini passes regulations I guess ” your car is too loud… no sir, ouuur car is faster than sound, we prove it”. There is so much drama and thrill. It has the ability to stimulate your senses in a way only a hooker can. Even a photo of a Lambo is eccentric. Whereas an electric vehicle is just a tool for transportation. The tesla just doesn’t touch your emotions. Call me mad but every electric car in future will feel the same no matter the price difference.

The fact that I brought up the whole job topic is, our society is too stuck into obsessing the flawless. Every interview you go to “what experience do you have?”. It is rarely the case of “ are you passionate about the role?”. The whole nakra translates to the job task in the end. I get annoyed when I see old people working at customer service places. Kill them. And the experience thing will only count where there is human involvement, you cannot go buy a soap thinking “how much cleaning experience does this have?”. Hence passion is needed. Which means the Lamborghini Huracan Performante is a sophisticated substance because it reverberates your soul. Numbers don’t define that.

La Dame Française

Citroen 2CV

Assalamualaikum….. my brothers and sisters..!!

WELCOME….

Welcome to the conversion…

I grew a stubble, thought I’d change my flow a bit…that’s how the west pictures hairy brown dudes.

Talking of that. Have you heard of the French laws? They have banned the burka… I don’t understand what they are after.

I can imagine what the meeting might have been like..

Macaroon: “misuerrs.!!! It is thze time to make histry…..we ban thze boorka”

Macaroons
Even the President is named after pastry

Croissant and the team: “we we we …. wei are la best pastisfee (pastry) makers, we inventé thze birthday suit slllwimwear (nudist beach), magnifique !! now lets us try thzee halal…..vive la France !!”

Idiots ! cant even say my name properly “its Faisel” .. “Faisauel??” … no shutup !!

Yup.. we are going to explore the French automotive world today. I happened to gain interest into this recently, not that I am not aware of but French cars in general are not known for anything today.

You want the most technically advanced vehicle, you go German. You want affordable and reliable, Japanese. You want exotic and scintillating, Italian. You want opulent and arrogant, British. Copy and paste done legally, Chinese. That means there is no real space in the spectrum for the French and yet they stand in the top 10 global companies list.

Ermm……American?? Lets forget them for a bit. All they do is poach stuff from the rest of the world and call it theirs..

Citroen DS
1950’s Citroen DS

So yeah. Citroën is the name of the car company I am ranting on today. I do like their products because they are stupid and senseless most of the time. Back in the 1950’s this company produced a car called the DS. DS translated in French is ‘goddess’. Anything good? Yes, it was revealed to the world at the Paris motor show back then and they already had twelve-thousand orders on the first day. Mind you this car in today’s era may fall in the same class as a BMW 5-series.

What was so epic about it? hmm… it was the first vehicle to have an aerodynamic design, first to have disc brakes, first to have adjustable suspension which is called hydropneumatic suspension. Basically, it is said to be as comfy as riding a magic carpet and it would not wobble like a boat. Oh yes, the headlights would also turn according to your steering inputs. So lots of innovation back then and the company is kinda become dreary and lacklustre now.

It is not actually. It is like how everybody wants an iPhone. There are so many options. Why sacrifice on music. “aint nobody want a one hole typa gurl” it’s only a joke… grow up.

That brings us to the DS at present. It is now a separate luxury division of the company. Their latest car to bare the Citroën DS badge is called DS7 crossback.

Citroen DS7
Citroen DS7 SUV (click picture to view commercial)

To start with it is an SUV. Looks very familiar, right? It is done to be similar to the competition. That’s the beauty of the modern world. If you want to sell something make it exactly like the popular stuff. Buyers lack taste anyway.

To my eyes this car is specially made with women in mind. It’s got the flavour of the fashion industry. We’ll start with the intérieur because that’s what made me pen this post.

Citroen DS7 Interior
Citroen DS7 Interior- plagiarized from the Chanel store

The interior is certainly emblazoned with a boutique aura. If this is on display in a Chanel or a Dior fashion store it would look right in place.  The theme of the design is diamonds, so everywhere you look like the displays, have a diamond user-interface, the dash has diamond stitching, the knobs are knurled with diamonds. It is deliciously beautiful.

Citroen DS7 Entertainment
The screen resembles handbags I reckon

Now ladies, if there is anyone reading. The centre screen in my mind looks like a handbag with a strap that hides the clock in between the air vents. The switches at the bottom garnish the display with a posh sheen. Lovely yeah? The centre where the gear lever is housed has buttons that mimic a blend of jewellery and perfume bottles.

I hope I am doing enough justice to explain this because the materials and textures, suede and leather of all sorts used in this cabin is pleasing to the eye. The materials are stitched together with something called ‘pearl stitching’. It has those beads or whatever they are called. I like the logo on the steering wheel. They may have stolen it from drop-down earing designers.

DS7 Centre Console
DS7 Center Console-
inspired by perfume bottles

Ahh… am staggered. It looks like a bespoke product. The CEO of the company is a lady, what can you expect? The company also owns ‘Faurecia’ which is a producer of interior systems with clientele like VW, Mercedes, BMW, Toyota etc. No surprise the inside is better than the competition. Lets go outside..

Yes, it looks very much like the typical Audi, but with a brush of makeup. Infact, when I first saw the DS7, I thought the companies had some kind of a business tie-up but they don’t.  The headlights have a crafted-crystal look to them. And the grille is very chic with dark metal mesh. There is very little to talk about the exterior. The rear taillights for example are sexy as hell with the indicator lights working exactly like the Audi’s.

Citroen DS7 Facia
Citroen DS7 Facia

You see, most females I have met tend to like Audis, I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the rings in the front that represent bangles or something. So this Citroën here is going to be the right alternative, maybe better than the German one too. It is the age of SUV’s and this thing fits perfectly in the game.

Wait I didn’t talk of the engines and features. It comes with two diesel engines 1.5L and 2.0L and a 1.6L petrol and also a 4×4 hybrid because today we eat grass while our dogs have grooming appointments. There is an industry leading suspension in the DS7, I forgot to mention. The suspension is self-levelling meaning it has cameras in the front that analyse the terrain and adjust the dampers simultaneously. Hence the ride is floaty and quiet. Nice!… Come-on! They redefined their own invention after 60 years. I said it earlier. Am genuinely impressed and have a soft spot for the big Citroën. It is quirky.

Citroen DS7 Rear
Rear taillights work exactly like the Audi’s

So ladies and gents. Just the ladies for this bit. At last there is something that suits your exquisite dress code, made by women for women. The DS7 costs around the same as an Audi Q3 but is as big as an Audi Q5. Bigger is definitely better. Take note… btw boys, don’t feel left out. I have exaggerated a bit.

One tiny flaw though. It is the most absurd mistake the French could ever make. The DS7 doesn’t come accustomed to suit a particular season. Summer, winter, autumn…. They may have forgotten. Sheeesh…. That’s bad, even I suffer looking for gifts sometimes.

An informative consumer advice from me. See? I can be knowledgeable too.

Au revoir … still can’t say that properly… damn it.. ‘language of love’ huh… we have thze book of lovemaking…get lost.

Perfection or Seduction

2018 BMW M5

Good Day Peoples!

Lets hit it today with a BMW, Lol yes I have been against them but apparently BMW has a large following worldwide which means my blog will attract some followers.

And that makes me a ‘blog-hoe’, similar to that insta-hoe thingy.

If given a choice, there are 3 things I wouldn’t be able to survive without

  • Cars
  • Music that’s danceable
  • Women – Oh! For Christ sake, I am a guy alright? What’s wrong to do so.

I think I am an artistic person with my choices but sort of been an engineer by trade. Hmmm. How are cars art then?

The new BMW M5. To all the bmwee nerds, yes I know its called a 2018 BMW F90 M5 x-drive ///M, happy?

F90 M5 Front
BMW F90 M5 Front

I am really intrigued by this model. Its been a long time coming. The looks for example are not revolutionary but are edgy. The front three quarters specially, looks like Zac Efron in ray-ban sunglasses. Duh! In my mind.  The back and side profile is typically BMW. Very sleek and understated. The black rims with the gold callipers sold it for me. Ahh! and the marina bay blue colour in proper sunlight is dashing. Did I mention quad tail-pipes?

Getting inside, you are let to breathe into a precisely crafted and laid out Germanic interior. We got to appreciate them for raising quality standards. I mean its just people like you and me who put this together with their skilful workmanship. Touch screen on a tesla looks fun, but small details like the climate control knobs on this are just satisfyingly beautiful. The interior is the best combination of beige and black trim with silvery inserts. Honestly beige in and around the floor is not ideal in monsoon or snowy conditions.

BMW M5 Interior
BMW M5 Interior

Then there is the tech. Of all the big German car brands BMW is known for the nerdy stuff. Its got 69 settings for driver modes like sport and comfort. I mean normal people make use of that number really well.  It has modern gimmicks like a hand gesture to adjust the volume and entertainment controls. Move the car autonomously while you get dressed in the morning. Its all great.

Talking of performance, well it’s a BMW. Its got All-wheel-drive which has an option to become two-wheel-drive, another reason to go sideways on the streets to prove your testosterone. By the way guys that drive or ride fast to attract a mate. Does it work? I haven’t tried that seduction technique. Hola at me, I have to learn.

We went off topic. Sorry.

BMW M5 Rear
BMW M5 Rear

The M5 also comes with a 4.4L twin turbo V8 engine. Power is 600 bhp with torque of 750 Nm. That is crazy but it weighs nearly 2.5 tonnes. For normal context a Suzuki Swift Diesel weighs around 1 tonne. Oh yeah important thing, the M5 doesn’t come with a modern gearbox infact it has an old-fashioned automatic. Apparently an automatic is good for handling torque that’s why busses use them.

So the new BMW M5 is a really really really good car. Artistic? I don’t know.

Ill recite one that exemplifies that

I am a sucker for Italian cars. Please don’t get upset. Its my taste.

The Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio Verde; long lineage of Godparents to look up to. This thing is my dream come true for sure. It’s a car named as a woman, advertised as an emotional device and is something completely out of nowhere. Its existence itself wasn’t expected in the industry.

I don’t know what it is but I come across a red one on my way to work. I get giddy every time I see it. Sometimes its parked in a different location and leaves me upset. Its like that teenage feeling “she didn’t turn up today, damn it”

Alfa Romeo Guilia QV Wheels
Alfa Romeo Guilia QV Wheels

The car is beautiful to my eyes. I know looks are subjective, why do you think I spoke about the BMW ehh ??

The side profile looks bulky yet sweet. The wheels are a signature of all Alfas and they are peppered with beautiful Alfa Romeo calligraphy on the red brake callipers. Lot of birds sacrificed their feathers for sure because it is optional for about 20,000 INR (350 USD). Then the leaf on the frontal region. No its not a marijuana leaf, it called a four-leaf-clover like the name says ‘Quadrifoglio’, that’s the Italian translation for the leaf. It is a mark of the firms racing heritage. Enzo Ferrari also has a thing in that.

Alfa Romeo Guilia Quadrifoglio
Alfa Romeo Guilia Quadrifoglio

The face of the car is pretty striking with a unique V-shaped grille. Its got a cute protrusion for the Alfa Romeo badge. Yummy isn’t it. Overall the front looks aggressive yet soft at the same time, raunchy Giulia !!. The number plate position is not an afterthought. It has been an Alfa tradition for decades.

Lets get around the back. My favourite place you may reckon. Well.. if am asked I would go. “I like the back of my Giulia, bodacious enough to write a song about it and its got a rhythm while riding fast”. Relate that in car terms, the Giulia actually has a curvaceous looking rear. I just took you places right ?? you dirty minds.

Alfa Romer Guilia QV Rear
Alfa Romer Giulia QV Rear

Does it go fast? Yes it does. Its got a 2.9L V6 engine with 500 bhp. Less than the BMW then. Its not the same category of car so. The engine is connected to an automatic or manual gearbox depending on your wallet. The Giulia is known for being faster than a BMW M3, actually it demolishes the beemer. Plus it drives like a woman doing the Ice-ballet, smooth and precise on the extreme edge. I love the upshift gear changes, it barks every time you change. It is as good as a driving pleasure as it is to taste your favorite desert. Hard to describe the sound on paper but it has a rasp and a burble. Am not eloquent in my bike knowledge but Yamaha (MT-09) makes a 3-cylinder cross plane engine. It sounds very similar to the Alfa in a particular rev range.

The interior is not going to set up quality standards but it has that exquisite Italian spirit. When I say spirit I mean things might fall off anytime. It is charming. There are no straight lines, its all swirly. The entertainment screen is not boxy like all other cars but tucked into perfectly in surrounds of leather and carbon fibre. The whole interior for that matter has a good mix of leather, plastic and suede making it a snug place to relax because the car has a setting called bumpy-road. This setting certainly wont’t spill your cappuccino.

Alfa Romeo Giulia QV Interior
Alfa Romeo Giulia QV Interior

Some may say its Italian and will be useless on reliability. Well the top selling diesel car in India has a Fiat made engine. Isn’t that reliable? Oh God! Alfa is owned by Fiat.

There is something special about the Giulia, something that cannot be described. Even if it has issues I wouldn’t care. Its just different and it stands next to the best.

Let me tell you how.

It is called Alfa Romeo. The word alfa goes like

  • Anonima (anonymous)
  • Lombarda (Lombard- Italian region)
  • Fabbrica (factory)
  • Automobili (car)

The remaining part is as poetic as Romeo & Giulia

Yet there is nothing anonymous about the car. Somehow it is a definition of raw fetishism. Its amateur and not perfect. It is purely honest and seductive. It can transport people and do shopping duties on the side. And just the way I introduced my post its got feminine character, it can dance the way I’ve described and it’s a car.

The Giulia has an edge over the BMW. Lot of people love BMW’s, some have even claimed that the German car is like intimacy…. really?

Well if that is the case then the Giulia… “you see me I be twerk twerk work work work…” woo.. I just realized I am ruining your lent season…imagine that never happened.. pffft…this new age of human rights ! You cannot even arrive at work and compliment on your female colleagues dress code..

Okay if both these cars were girls. German one. There are no details to described it as one. No person is 100% perfect relative to a given criteria. There is laughter and quirks in a human being.

Whereas miss Giulia exudes a human character. How ??

Alright hand on heart. How many of you reading this would wholeheartedly buy the BMW over the Giulia? Be honest!

I am definite and will confidently bet that 99% will say BMW. That means the Alfa is naturally flawed. What does that say?

Alfa Romeo Badge
Alfa Romeo Badge

So if the Giulia was a girl I could go like “you can be my amore, I will be your signore”. It is a practical Italian car meaning the human version would do cooking and be fashionable simultaneously. Unlike those #nomakeup #nofilter botox b*tches.

The BMW conquers all the quantifiable aspects of the car. If something can be made possible using technology, its all there. Design as expected. Quality as per the price tag. Its achingly perfect. It is a well-appointed instrument. A millennials dream pretty much.

But a millennial is an amateur unrefined version of a human being right? So… doesn’t that make the Giulia art ? cheers !!

Pickup Trucks = Biceps & Beards

MM Bolero

Before you read :-This is solely written for the joy of reading and with an approach for non car people as well. It is not a review and I haven’t dealt much into technical data. Please do not feel offended if something is not to you’re liking, it is only for spiciness of the post. Thank you

 

This Prince Hary guy found a woman. Yes finally, I know right. I mean how difficult is it? when you are called ‘His Highness’

Alright, I had to scribble my intro. I might get hung. Looks very controversial.

Stick to cars for now.

Yes, just like the name of my post suggests, can you name a handful of things or stuff that shouts masculinity or manliness?

Man Things
Tools and Whisky

Let me guess a few

  • No Shave November
  • DIY tools
  • Public use lavatories with no partitions
  • Stag entry in Indian pubs
  • Oh yes Scotch Whisky, my favourite
  • Awkward text to females
  • Dom Toretto (fast and furious)
  • Boyfriends that hold their girlfriends behind, obstructing other potential viewers

You may start guessing as to where I am going with this, since this is an automotive post. All tough and rugged means an SUV or Sports Utility Vehicle, is what its referred to as in the trade. Some may even call it jeep.  I am on the same page as you but realistically this isn’t the case. You see, over the last few years there has been a growing demand globally for the jeep type vehicle which means, you come across this shape more frequently than before.

Man Things
Manly Plumbing

This demand has pushed companies to invest more in producing SUVs. I used to love them. The old American lookalike Mahindra’s were a big part of my childhood. But now it’s so common we expect every company to make them just like we expect every Kardashian to be naturally implanted. The new ones don’t even look butch. The average consumer being women with kids married to old farts. Let’s leave that aside, shall we?

So! If you are a metro-sexual man and you want to have a ‘balls to you’ appeal wagon, you could choose sports cars, but girls look better driving them. Yup am not lying. Boys got pickup trucks yo! The ultimate hairy chested wagons. Yeah! I feel so dramatic, I’m already imagining gold chains, sparkly teeth, unwanted piercings and a blunt.

For people who cannot comprehend what am talking about, you may have seen something called a Tata Mobile or a Tata 207 (India). Something like that but with a lot more luxuries and modern tech to enrich your soul.

Tata 207
Tata 207 locally called Tata Mobile

A pickup-truck is a popular type of passenger vehicle and has strong demand in parts like North America, Australia and Southern Africa.  They make about 40% of total passenger car sales in these regions.

To be honest I made that up. I do not know the actual figures.

North America  

The word ‘pickup truck’ may have its origins from the US. It was considered as a lifestyle vehicle since the 1950’s. Americas most loved pickup is the Ford F150 series. These things are huge. Look at the picture.

It stands 6 meters in length, 2 meters in width and 2 meters from top to bottom. That’s a family house in Bombay. Off course the fuel bills are sky high, what would you expect. The base price of the whole thing is around 20 lakh rupees (30k USD), which is not bad for a house in a metro city. Mind you it comes with proper household charging sockets, heated seats and 4G Wi-Fi. So yeah.

F150
Ford F150 Raptor

I love these things especially the sports version called a Raptor. That’s a sexy name. Its made to work on snow, sand and almost anything. Something this big is definitely going to intimidate your neighbourhood aunty. For Americans luxury means big or more, so the Raptor has 10 gears. Its got a big engine 3.5L V6 for people who understand what that means and it produces 450 horsepower also for people who understand that.

What’s a V6? Well, imagine a closed cylindrical cylinder. All the fuel gets sprayed into this system and explosions happen and the residual gasses come out at the back. That’s one cylinder. V6 means 6 of those and all stacked in a V shape. Why that shape? Lets say because of physics. So, it’s the same thing if it’s a V8, V10, V12 etc. 3.5 litres (3500 cc) is the total volume of all the cylinders put together.

Oh Lord, this is a science lesson all of a sudden.

 

South America

Donkey Wagon
Latin Donkey Wagon

Some of the most rugged all terrain utility vehicles you can imagine. This right here is the epitome of the utility vehicles. It’s got six-wheel drive like our picture suggests here or 4-wheel drive. Its only a matter of two minutes to change between the modes. Fuel is not a big problem as its readily available; credits to mother earth. Maintenance costs are pretty low. For people who want to save their pockets, this is the best. It does not come with any special features, but some models are food providers for infants. Choose your trim wisely. Only issue is manufacturing. It takes a long time to produce it for full capability.

In some parts like Mexico the best donkey available is the Nissan Navara NP300. They like it so much that it outsells tacos. I like the look of it, bold and classy. It comes with a 2.3L Bi-turbo diesel engine made by a French company.  It is by far the smallest motor in a lifestyle pickup.

Nissan NP300
Nissan Navara NP300 Enguard Concept

It is said to be having a car like ride because of the springs at the rear wheels. For the geeks it’s a multi-link setup over a conventional leaf spring. It’s the first truck to have that.

People who didn’t understand, it basically means that this vehicle doesn’t hop and bounce at the back. Most buses and trucks tend to hop while moving, that is eliminated. Its got all the creature comforts you can imagine. It is such a nice product that even Mercedes reached out to Nissan to use the underpinnings for their ‘own’ version. Not everything is German. See?

Arabia

Ahh…Land of my first name and women in black. What can you say ehh? The best off the tarmac vehicle here is the ship of the desert.

camel
Camel-Ship Of The Desert

This is one vehicle that has proven reliability in the most severe conditions. It is the only one that has been through the age of Jesus Christ and the age of abundantly limbed Thai angles. It can go days without fuel. Yes, engineers still have a lot to learn. It is a two-seater for the most part but can carry large loads of upto 450 kilograms plus two grown men. I don’t get why the Arabs are selling oil. The future is right here man. Its eco-friendly, no pollution. Apparently, its waste products can cure cancer.  There are models that are specialised for snow use only. Wow!

The most expensive ones can go upto 2.7 Million USD.  Hahaha… for a camel ??. Its all about passion my friends. As long as we keep the animal kingdom alive.

Toyota Hilux
Toyota Hilux TRD

Jokes apart. The Arabian pickup is nothing other than the Toyota Hilux. The word Toyota shines in every household in the region. And just like the camel it has served a dependable purpose. Toyota’s never break down, they claim. In-fact it is the most trusted car company in almost every part of the world. Hand on heart. Mr Toyoda, the founder started off the company to make his mothers life less stressful working on textiles. The company logo represents a needle and thread. Makes me soft every time.

So what is distinctive about this pickup? To start with it is a common vehicle presented on news channels. Most terrorist groups have used these as battle tanks for decades. That’s how tough it is. It is very good off-road, just like the camel. Decent on the money and the interior is swanky for a pickup; designed by 12-year olds.

Hilux
Toyota Hilux Interior

Design is not something that the Japanese are keen on. This interior looks like an organised chaos in my opinion. The center console is vertical than being at an angle like most interiors these days. Touchscreen on a pickup is a huge welcome. I like how they tried to go out of the way and make something stand out. Kudos to that ballsy attitude.

Southern Africa

Nope.. I am not doing the animal jokes here. The next one is pretty interesting. Ask any foreigner to give positive points about India and it would likely include our food, our proficiency in computers and our beautiful women. Everything else like me is incompetent.

I did this research over a year ago and was surprised that Mahindra, yes that jeep company has made it outside India. It even took over the Italian company that designs Ferrari’s.

Scorpio
Mahindra Scorpio Getaway/Pickup

The Mahindra Scorpio pickup is among the top 10 selling pickups in South Africa. It’s even a favourite in South America and Australia. The Scorpios simplicity and inexpensive price that has won the hearts of people around the world. In India we look at it as a utilitarian family mobile but elsewhere it is a pretty good off-roader. The wheel articulation (all wheels are on the ground when the vehicle is on an uneven surface like boulders) is phenomenal along with a lovely gearbox. It has an automatic locking differential which engages and disengages on its own whenever needed. Most vehicles listed in this post require the user to do that job.

I feel you, yes. Am not that interested in this either but you got to applaud Mahindra for moving outside the country. I mean who thought that a mass market rural product company could do that.

 

Australia

Apart from the Americans the Aussies are known for their love for pickups. They even have a name for it called ‘ute’. The Australian countryside has gravel roads in most part of the country where civilisation is limited. Hence there is a need for a vehicle that will do the job of carrying things as well as family outings over the weekend and a potent device in the harsh terrain. It is serious stuff this.  So a ute is something that looks like the picture below.   A Holden Maloo. It is entirely Aussie.

Holden Maloo
Holden Maloo VXR8

Its part sports car, part pickup, part family cruiser. Sadly, this has been discontinued from the market few months back. They will not make it anymore. I would love to own one. Such a niche vehicle especially with the V8 motor from GM. It doesn’t make a practical case I guess. Hence for decades the Aussies have been using Toyotas, like I said before. But now there is more to choose on the plate. Say hello to the European approach.

Europe

VW Amarock
Volkswagen Amarok

The Volkswagen Amarok is not as popular as its Japanese competition but it has proven a lot in the space. To start with its German, you know how I feel about that. Its probably the first luxury pickup ever. It does score well in all the performance tests, wasn’t a surprise. Its got all the electronic trickery to help it off road and on road. Good built quality and lots of money to pay upfront. It is a 9/10 vehicle on paper. It comes with a ZF 8-speed gearbox, centre and rear diff locks and….. Alright am feeling sleepy talking about this thing. Move to India.

India

While the rest of the world is all sensible and catching up with safety. Behold the magnificence of the brown race ladies and gentlemen, this is how we roll.

MM Bolero
Mahindra Bolero Pickup Overload

This is what you call a pickup and truck all in one machine. Its got tattoos on its side maybe to indicate its origins if you’re not familiar.  I wonder what’s in there, but it does test the durability and reliability of the vehicle to its max. Common sight this. Off-course no driver deliberately prepares himself to be killed. The reason behind overloading is due to the capital earned at the end of the trip. India being a nation with most of the population in poverty spec and fraudulent business tactics, they got to cut corners. Very sad indeed.

D-max
Isuzu D-Max

That’s not the Indian equivalent of a lifestyle vehicle though. We have in our market the Isuzu D-max, a Japanese contender nonetheless. This is the only proper lifestyle pickup in India and it is a global product. It has a good mix of luxury and off-road ability at-least considering the price it is offered in. 13 lakh rupees (20k USD) for something like this is a bargain. Mind you it has all the features including touch enabled entertainment system, proper 4×4, beige interiors, climate control, and airbags to name a few. Come on. That’s better than the Renault/Dacia Duster. You get more car for the money plus the reliability factor. Its just delicious. Only drawback? It is a farm vehicle everywhere else. Hehe..sorry.

Special Mention 

Ridgeline
Honda Ridgeline

Honda Ridgeline – The ridgeline is the worlds first front-wheel-drive pickup and the only one with a Monocoque chassis. It is built and sold mostly in the American market probably due to the value of Honda products there. The powertrain consists of a 3.5L V6 petrol engine and full time AWD. This pickup is not as tough as the ones above but is definitely a usable machine. It makes a lot of sense for the urban consumers where heavy duty isn’t a major requirement.

So there we have it. What started with camels, horses, donkeys and bulls has made its way to pickups. This may be the only type of vehicle that will last a long time in the industry. Because it can be used for various duties as you have read so far. I’m not keen on seeing an electric version of these though.

Electric mobility is the future as claimed by that t**t running Tesla. I don’t know why people are amazed by E-vehicles. 0-100kmph on teslas shouldn’t be a surprise. It is secondary school physics, if you understand electricity. 

In my mind electric cars are like LGBT (lesbian…) of the car world. It has been in existence but realised now. You got to accept it somehow.

Oye ! I respect everyone. Please dont frown. Cheers!

My Dislike for German Cars

Awwwww. these photographers man. What do they do? Do they just get girls in different outfits and start clicking?

I’m stuck on YouTube with my usual dose of electro trash music. Every video has a female in perfect combo of scenery and exceptional visuals. It’s even better on the sea side. Wow !! I’d love to change my job.

Photographers
Paparazzi and Their Glamorous Photos

Problem with me… am not very good with right hand activities.

Erm …yeah ..!!. That’s not a way to start a blogpost, is it?

Hello Peeps. Good day! Buen dia. Let’s chat about zthe Germans.

I’ve been fortunate enough to meet a lot of people from a global scale. The moto of our inception as living beings is to grow and progress. You start off as a hatchling, trying to figure out the art of toddling, screaming, crying and milking. Then do schooling until you grow in length and width. Turn into a young adult and all the dreams that you had as a child are a no-no. You are shattered but you got to carry on. A white-collar job is the ideal way forward even if your computer language is set to English or French or Japanese or Habibi. Success being the key element, you try to chase it until your back arches and your done with your job to retire.

 

I am sure most of us belong to that race, what can you do ehh? It’s the way of the modern world. I mentioned ‘success’ before. Its materialistic in todays times, which means everyone has a possession of it. Our pursuit towards being the best is about having the best. Its not about the joy of happiness but more to do with.

“yo! I’ve got them balls you know, BIG BLACK BLUE…sugar and spice and everything’s nice” oops! got carried away there, sorry. (Funny tone).

So, everything we do, touch, feel, look, hear… there is no sense of depth to its qualities. Tattoos once were a thing of importance in a person’s life frame, now it’s like chlamydia. I don’t know how dating websites and apps perceive to be a thing of modernisation. It has been there for decades, Arranged marriages! Same thing different approach. They hook you up and then you suffer after a while.

VW Beetle- The peoples car

It all does translate to the type of possessions we own, including cars. The best and coolest people are perceived to have a BMW or an Audi or a Mercedes. It’s too typical from my pair of lenses. I have asked a lot of people and usually all they come up with is the big three German names. I mean there is so much on the table to choose from.

I genuinely dislike, no hate German cars just because of the type of people that end up buying them or maybe even dream to have. If your one of them you should stop reading right here…

 

BMW

BMW 5 Series
BMW 5 Series G30

Yes, BMW to initiate my ramble.  People who buy them, original C***S. They usually have everything sorted in life. A respectable job maybe not at a higher tier, but good enough. They are crazy like annoying level of crazy. Rumour has it; they like to charge their toothbrushes.  People who wear Adidas footwear on a well-tailored suit. These are the ones that dress like that. Most of them usually lack knowledge but somehow have the means to justify their success.

5 Series BMW
BMW 5 Series G30

Reminisces a situation that I encountered with my friends back in the day (Academic year 2008). We were hanging out at our usual school locale. This place is a shop selling basic commodities on a busy road. We purchased our sweets for the day and whilst munching on our sugar a superbike turned up. Superbikes being extremely rare back then, we were drawn into it right away. Blazing colours, loud noise and a rider wrapped in leather garb made our jaws drop in slowmotion. Boys being boys we could not hold our excitement. The rider goes to the shop, buys something. Yes, he did take his helmet off, wasn’t slow motion though. He comes out. Picks his phone and speaks. We are still amazed by him at this point.

Then he goes ‘aah re baba, kit hobor. Hanv aaha modgon’ (hey dude, am in margao)

he carries on in the thickest rural accent possible. Oh my god. We melted in laughter.

This is exactly how I feel about BMW drivers. The actual cars are decent. Very technical and driver focused which has served the company a good market share. All the models they sell (apart from 2 series minivan) are rear-wheel-drive which is a joy for car lovers. Over the years they have become a cheap alternative to the luxury segment. Do I like? Nah. I have something called taste.

Lets move on..

AUDI

Typical Audi owner. Oh Lord! everything trend setting is presented by these morons. See how many celebs own them. You could sell a pineapple with neon lights and music and convince them its good. They will buy it. Please keep the price high. You got to make money in the end.

Audi RS 5
Audi RS 5 Cabriolet

Audi consumers tend to dress well. Always polished meaning they visit the beautician at least twice a week be it men or women. I am pretty sure that this is the same demographic that gave rise to the tanning salon business. How much do you want to polish and grease yourself? Enough !

I do not know the typical job profile of an Audi driver but seriously. They tend to like flashy products, I can see why. If something goes wrong in their social media, they lose it. It must be spot on. They exude that weird vibe ‘all hat no cattle’.

The cars are the same thing, shit! Ill brief the hypocrisy.

There is something called a MQB platform. Basically, it is the car structure and drivetrain components that are used to produce a set of cars. So a Volkswagen polo which costs around 8 lakh rupees ($12k) is technically the same underneath the skin as an Audi TT which is over 50 lakh ($75k). Add your taxes and there you have it. Why would you call yourself rich and different when somebody who spent ten percent of the price to drive the same thing as you. Volkswagen owns Audi, yes the relationship itself is scandalous.

I do not like Audi. It started the whole hexagonal grill race. Plus, all cars look the same now. Audi a4 a6 a8. I can do it myself with just a photocopier and varied sizes of paper. Seriously! why do they own Lamborghini and Ducati?.  At least Lambo gave them a big middle finger after the record at the Nürburgring. Hats off. Thank God for those Italians.

Oh yes the final one

MERCEDES-BENZ

This brand certainly has its own prestige. Even Hitler rolled in one. Nothing but the best, that’s what Mercedes calls itself. Its too perfect, but then where is that magic.

Mercedes-Benz S Class
Mercedes-Benz S Class

If I was somebody who bought a Mercedes I would be uuumm…. Very old. I wouldn’t like excitement. Certainly won’t like anything that goes against my conservative mindset. Everything has to be perfect. Wake up early morning, OATS for breakfast because that’s healthy, run my daily errands and keep working until I dye my hair black again. There is no laughter and madness. My dress code would speak the colours black, white, blue and brown. Eww.. You could obviously approach me for a dose of advice on your professional ventures because I might have made it big on the job title front. Which means the parties I attend are all about wine tasting and gloomy music. Yeah

That said, the only Mercedes that I adore is the Gelandewagen or G-wagen because it’s ridiculous and absurd. The AMG products are okay with the new m177 series engine. For some reason it sounds like its holding its breath. Not a full blown v8 soundtrack like a Jaguar F-type.

Mesarati Levante S
Mesarati Levante S

I am sure most of you reading till this point would go like ‘what is wrong with this guy?’. Look, if you really care about your money then the German stuff is the way to go. They are well built and engineered. You will get all the bells and whistles. I just like things that tickle me from top to bottom and something that is out of the box. My aim is to lock horns with the best than be in the same league as them. Before you talk about practical bits remember everything today is engineered and produced using computers, so it only depends on your perception. Hence my favourite set of brands vary from Jaguar, Range Rover, Maserati, Lexus and yes Alfa Romeo and others.

I would personally choose Maserati. They don’t make good cars anymore, but I love the appeal and zing associated with it. All you do is dress well, coz Italian. Sell drugs, kill people and drink a lot of espresso. Its too cool.

Cough cough, haven’t said anything about Porsche. I believe its Austrian and rather splendid.

If you’re different from the rest, let’s have a drink. We have a taste I reckon. Adieus !

 

She’s Worth It !

 

Before you read

If you really want to feel my vibe I was listening to this music while I penned the post

Escapate Conmigo by Wisin, original or remix. 

Saturday morning. Weekends are amazing, isn’t it. I’m up so early in my PJs, had my coffee and dancing to the soul of Spanish music, nah not the Despacito bullshit, that’s for average people. Wait a minute.

Mirror on the wall, Why am I in my mother’s flip-flops ehh??.… don’t you josh me like that..

Something in the lyrics caught my eye. It reads “tu me seduces a tu antojo” it translates to “you seduce me to your whim” whim meaning change of mind all of a sudden. What is it about a woman? I mean I was at a house party once. This girl showed up, French kind. Curly brown hair, white woman obviously. Everything is in slow motion at this point. She asks for a drink in the huskiest voice possible and the whole floor shut down. Like literally. Music stops, people freeze, glass bottles shatter and pout selfies loose hope. I don’t know what happened. Mankind has been to the moon and back but this kind of mystery can’t be solved.

How can somebody break down something handsome, strong, tall and bearded (aka men) into a soft kitty. I don’t know ask a woman. By the way, that slow motion story is not real. I made it up. The girl is real, DEFINITELY. I know because I sipped her drink, WHOA!! look at my stature. You won’t believe me at this point. I am not bothered.

Marilyn Monroe

Majestic, graceful, beautiful, sophisticated, gentle, classy, adorable, exquisite, divine, elegant and the list goes on. How can a woman exude so many characteristics? There is nothing on wheels that would rival that, but cars are still referred to as a ‘she’. There must be a reason why Mr Johnny would wake up every sunday and run to his garage to wax and tickle his cars body.

In my world, there is only one kind of a car that could rival a woman. Meaning I would choose it over my beloved.  It’s called a Ferrari, all in its Italian glory. Why have I chosen this over other cars? Well, because Ferraris have always been the ultimate representation of an automobile. They have a sense of seduction and raw majesty that other cars just cannot match. Genuinely cannot. I understand the essence displayed by these automotive pieces. I could have chosen something German ie BMW, Audi or Mercedes but all they justify is my engineering degree. Not fun ya?

Ferrari 488 GTB Front View

A Lamborghini for example is like an expensive hooker, I don’t dig that. A Ferrari is like a graceful woman in bustier lingerie. Why bustier, because it’s MY show you idiot. And then the car does portray all the characteristics about women that I just mentioned. Even the husky voice plays a role. Ferraris are not loud but its more like an exquisite symphony put together by the sweetest instruments. They sound so sonorous, I have to change pants. Sorry !! lol

488 GTB Giallo

Lets talk about the Ferrari 488 GTB for our description. The only feminine figure that comes in my mind at the moment is Marilyn Monroe. I’ve not met her but her photos alone describe her grace. Oh please keep the lingerie away, please. I’m trying to make a point here. The front facia of the car has the right amount of cheek bone structure with subtle eyes and lashes, represented by the headlamps. The bonnet is like a nose, god this is difficult to describe, me struggling to get you in my world. The roof of the car is black making it look like dark hair combed into a messy bun. The wheels represent ankle strap heels with revealing toes probably, because wheels are the most important elements in terms of aesthetics and they also uncover the colourful brake callipers, got that?.

Ferrari 488 GTB Rear
Ferrari 488 GTB Rear

And then the posterior. Its not too “in your face” wink wink hahaha. Bless me… there is enough flair and curvature to tickle your inner soul, the prancing horse being the jewellery to drape in more sizzle.  You see the glass on the back? Well that’s my favourite portion. It’s the same real estate where the dimples on her back would reside, mmwwaahh. Am having shivers. This is enough.

Getting in the cabin, you are invited into the preciously sewed leather with a very soft touch. The interior on its own should describe the warmth and nurturing comfort of a woman. It is just lovely to be tucked in. Everything is beautifully laid out to make the driver feel raunchy. Let that sink in. Performance, not something that I want to talk about as this write up is purely for reading than a dealership brochure.

488 GTB Interior

Take an average car for reference, it would have approximately 100-150 horsepower. The Ferrari deploys 660 horsepower. Imagine the speeds it is capable of. Most sport cars tend to lose control while going sideways at high speeds, to avoid it there are electronics that automatically apply braking without your inputs. Incase of the Ferrari, it allows you to speed up sideways whilst its being safe in the background. Basically, its saying ‘You can push harder, daddy’. Okay am not going any further with the words sweaty, wild, wet… use your imagination for the climax.

Phew I said that?..hahaha..

A woman in reality would suffer from the intricacies of being human. There are dreams to follow, life to live, broken boys to fix. It must be difficult to be feminine in the first place. Even Marilyn had an arduous upbringing and she rejuvenated from that. Which means my lovely Ferrari is not perfect? Yes it isn’t. They tend to fall apart for unknown reasons and maintaining it can dry out your bank account. They lose value as they get older. But I can persevere, that’s the only reason its more human like. A dolled-up girl is a girl after all, hmm??

My apologies for the crazy combination of concepts but I had to describe what ‘she’ means about a car. I think I have finally. Women, you are special. Thank you for the inspiration.

Now where is my music?

 

What it’s like owning a Diesel Highline Volkswagen Vento

volkswagen-vento-tdi-modded

After driving the VW Vento highline for about 92,000kms over the span of 2years 5months I can truly say that the German manufacturer hasn’t skimped out on quality even though at it’s price level. Mated with a 1.6TDI engine also known as the EA 189, a 4 cylinder motor that produces 105PS @ 4400rpm and 250Nm of torque between 1500 to 2500rpm. It’s this torque that makes this car so much fun. But it’s not all sunshine and rainbows, at higher speeds the car seems lacking a 6th gear as the engine gets noisy and there is available power which is lost cause of the lack of the final gear. High speed stability is very good and the car feels planted even at higher triple digits. Braking is adequate, VW could have added in callipers that grab better and rotors that can dissipate heat faster. Gear throw is short and precise and slot in properly. Unlike the competition.

Just when I got it. No mods other than a GTI grill.

The steering is precise for an electronic power steering system unlike the competition, you know where the wheels are and what they are doing. There is proper weight at high speed and at low speeds it’s easy to manoeuvre through tight traffic.

A very comfortable car that can seat 5 people with their luggage comfortably for those long cross state road trips. My only niggle with the front seats is the lack of proper side bolster, other than that they have good lumbar and under thigh support so you’re not tired after a long trip. Forward visibility out of the cabin is very good and the side glass let’s in a lot of light into the cabin. Rear visibility is slightly hampered by the rear c-pillar and the tiny interior mirror doesn’t help much and you have to rely on parking sensors that come standard on the highline trim. The stock suspension takes bumps well and only crashes over really huge potholes. The combination of good seats, proper light and good suspension makes this a good long distance muncher. The stock suspension has a little give over tight bends and the car does have a little body roll but it’s not unnerving. In fact the Vento is quite fun on a backroad.

The Vento maybe not be loaded with features like the competition but that being said it’s not lacking, the features are actually quite adequate and doesn’t make you feel like you’re driving a relic. The stock player I had was the monochrome head unit with an MMI system like the ones found in Audi, I have replaced it with a factory replacement 6.5” RCD330 with mirror link, aux and Bluetooth.

6.5” RCD330 with mirror link, aux and Bluetooth

You get climate control and rear AC vents to keep everyone happy. It comes with 4 cup holders in front (2 in the centre console and two on either sides of the door pockets big enough to hold a 2liter bottle of water. The rear passengers get a single cooled cup holder in the middle.

Not so stock anymore

I have done some work to my car, replaced the stock suspension for fully adjustable coil overs from ksport. This makes the car more planted at higher speeds and removes the body roll.  A Racedynamics Diesel Tronic tuning box was added in to squeeze out some more power from the engine, a wrap to protect the original paint, and replaced the stock air filter for a pipercross replacement one. The stock 15″ rims were swapped with 16″ Momo revenge ones with wider profile tires @ 205/50.

As per problems at 92,000 Kms and counting the only things I have replaced so far are suspension bushes and lower arm bushes which were worn by the bad roads. Periodic service is a must with this car.  The car is serviced at every 15000 interval and tires rotated, balanced every 5000kms. The service charge is more compared to other companies but I feel you pay for the quality. These are strong cars and are pretty good at handling everything you throw at them.