My Dislike for German Cars

Awwwww. these photographers man. What do they do? Do they just get girls in different outfits and start clicking?

I’m stuck on YouTube with my usual dose of electro trash music. Every video has a female in perfect combo of scenery and exceptional visuals. It’s even better on the sea side. Wow !! I’d love to change my job.

Photographers
Paparazzi and Their Glamorous Photos

Problem with me… am not very good with right hand activities.

Erm …yeah ..!!. That’s not a way to start a blogpost, is it?

Hello Peeps. Good day! Buen dia. Let’s chat about zthe Germans.

I’ve been fortunate enough to meet a lot of people from a global scale. The moto of our inception as living beings is to grow and progress. You start off as a hatchling, trying to figure out the art of toddling, screaming, crying and milking. Then do schooling until you grow in length and width. Turn into a young adult and all the dreams that you had as a child are a no-no. You are shattered but you got to carry on. A white-collar job is the ideal way forward even if your computer language is set to English or French or Japanese or Habibi. Success being the key element, you try to chase it until your back arches and your done with your job to retire.

 

I am sure most of us belong to that race, what can you do ehh? It’s the way of the modern world. I mentioned ‘success’ before. Its materialistic in todays times, which means everyone has a possession of it. Our pursuit towards being the best is about having the best. Its not about the joy of happiness but more to do with.

“yo! I’ve got them balls you know, BIG BLACK BLUE…sugar and spice and everything’s nice” oops! got carried away there, sorry. (Funny tone).

So, everything we do, touch, feel, look, hear… there is no sense of depth to its qualities. Tattoos once were a thing of importance in a person’s life frame, now it’s like chlamydia. I don’t know how dating websites and apps perceive to be a thing of modernisation. It has been there for decades, Arranged marriages! Same thing different approach. They hook you up and then you suffer after a while.

VW Beetle- The peoples car

It all does translate to the type of possessions we own, including cars. The best and coolest people are perceived to have a BMW or an Audi or a Mercedes. It’s too typical from my pair of lenses. I have asked a lot of people and usually all they come up with is the big three German names. I mean there is so much on the table to choose from.

I genuinely dislike, no hate German cars just because of the type of people that end up buying them or maybe even dream to have. If your one of them you should stop reading right here…

 

BMW

BMW 5 Series
BMW 5 Series G30

Yes, BMW to initiate my ramble.  People who buy them, original C***S. They usually have everything sorted in life. A respectable job maybe not at a higher tier, but good enough. They are crazy like annoying level of crazy. Rumour has it; they like to charge their toothbrushes.  People who wear Adidas footwear on a well-tailored suit. These are the ones that dress like that. Most of them usually lack knowledge but somehow have the means to justify their success.

5 Series BMW
BMW 5 Series G30

Reminisces a situation that I encountered with my friends back in the day (Academic year 2008). We were hanging out at our usual school locale. This place is a shop selling basic commodities on a busy road. We purchased our sweets for the day and whilst munching on our sugar a superbike turned up. Superbikes being extremely rare back then, we were drawn into it right away. Blazing colours, loud noise and a rider wrapped in leather garb made our jaws drop in slowmotion. Boys being boys we could not hold our excitement. The rider goes to the shop, buys something. Yes, he did take his helmet off, wasn’t slow motion though. He comes out. Picks his phone and speaks. We are still amazed by him at this point.

Then he goes ‘aah re baba, kit hobor. Hanv aaha modgon’ (hey dude, am in margao)

he carries on in the thickest rural accent possible. Oh my god. We melted in laughter.

This is exactly how I feel about BMW drivers. The actual cars are decent. Very technical and driver focused which has served the company a good market share. All the models they sell (apart from 2 series minivan) are rear-wheel-drive which is a joy for car lovers. Over the years they have become a cheap alternative to the luxury segment. Do I like? Nah. I have something called taste.

Lets move on..

AUDI

Typical Audi owner. Oh Lord! everything trend setting is presented by these morons. See how many celebs own them. You could sell a pineapple with neon lights and music and convince them its good. They will buy it. Please keep the price high. You got to make money in the end.

Audi RS 5
Audi RS 5 Cabriolet

Audi consumers tend to dress well. Always polished meaning they visit the beautician at least twice a week be it men or women. I am pretty sure that this is the same demographic that gave rise to the tanning salon business. How much do you want to polish and grease yourself? Enough !

I do not know the typical job profile of an Audi driver but seriously. They tend to like flashy products, I can see why. If something goes wrong in their social media, they lose it. It must be spot on. They exude that weird vibe ‘all hat no cattle’.

The cars are the same thing, shit! Ill brief the hypocrisy.

There is something called a MQB platform. Basically, it is the car structure and drivetrain components that are used to produce a set of cars. So a Volkswagen polo which costs around 8 lakh rupees ($12k) is technically the same underneath the skin as an Audi TT which is over 50 lakh ($75k). Add your taxes and there you have it. Why would you call yourself rich and different when somebody who spent ten percent of the price to drive the same thing as you. Volkswagen owns Audi, yes the relationship itself is scandalous.

I do not like Audi. It started the whole hexagonal grill race. Plus, all cars look the same now. Audi a4 a6 a8. I can do it myself with just a photocopier and varied sizes of paper. Seriously! why do they own Lamborghini and Ducati?.  At least Lambo gave them a big middle finger after the record at the Nürburgring. Hats off. Thank God for those Italians.

Oh yes the final one

MERCEDES-BENZ

This brand certainly has its own prestige. Even Hitler rolled in one. Nothing but the best, that’s what Mercedes calls itself. Its too perfect, but then where is that magic.

Mercedes-Benz S Class
Mercedes-Benz S Class

If I was somebody who bought a Mercedes I would be uuumm…. Very old. I wouldn’t like excitement. Certainly won’t like anything that goes against my conservative mindset. Everything has to be perfect. Wake up early morning, OATS for breakfast because that’s healthy, run my daily errands and keep working until I dye my hair black again. There is no laughter and madness. My dress code would speak the colours black, white, blue and brown. Eww.. You could obviously approach me for a dose of advice on your professional ventures because I might have made it big on the job title front. Which means the parties I attend are all about wine tasting and gloomy music. Yeah

That said, the only Mercedes that I adore is the Gelandewagen or G-wagen because it’s ridiculous and absurd. The AMG products are okay with the new m177 series engine. For some reason it sounds like its holding its breath. Not a full blown v8 soundtrack like a Jaguar F-type.

Mesarati Levante S
Mesarati Levante S

I am sure most of you reading till this point would go like ‘what is wrong with this guy?’. Look, if you really care about your money then the German stuff is the way to go. They are well built and engineered. You will get all the bells and whistles. I just like things that tickle me from top to bottom and something that is out of the box. My aim is to lock horns with the best than be in the same league as them. Before you talk about practical bits remember everything today is engineered and produced using computers, so it only depends on your perception. Hence my favourite set of brands vary from Jaguar, Range Rover, Maserati, Lexus and yes Alfa Romeo and others.

I would personally choose Maserati. They don’t make good cars anymore, but I love the appeal and zing associated with it. All you do is dress well, coz Italian. Sell drugs, kill people and drink a lot of espresso. Its too cool.

Cough cough, haven’t said anything about Porsche. I believe its Austrian and rather splendid.

If you’re different from the rest, let’s have a drink. We have a taste I reckon. Adieus !