Pickup Trucks = Biceps & Beards

Before you read :-This is solely written for the joy of reading and with an approach for non car people as well. It is not a review and I haven’t dealt much into technical data. Please do not feel offended if something is not to you’re liking, it is only for spiciness of the post. Thank you

 

This Prince Hary guy found a woman. Yes finally, I know right. I mean how difficult is it? when you are called ‘His Highness’

Alright, I had to scribble my intro. I might get hung. Looks very controversial.

Stick to cars for now.

Yes, just like the name of my post suggests, can you name a handful of things or stuff that shouts masculinity or manliness?

Man Things
Tools and Whisky

Let me guess a few

  • No Shave November
  • DIY tools
  • Public use lavatories with no partitions
  • Stag entry in Indian pubs
  • Oh yes Scotch Whisky, my favourite
  • Awkward text to females
  • Dom Toretto (fast and furious)
  • Boyfriends that hold their girlfriends behind, obstructing other potential viewers

You may start guessing as to where I am going with this, since this is an automotive post. All tough and rugged means an SUV or Sports Utility Vehicle, is what its referred to as in the trade. Some may even call it jeep.  I am on the same page as you but realistically this isn’t the case. You see, over the last few years there has been a growing demand globally for the jeep type vehicle which means, you come across this shape more frequently than before.

Man Things
Manly Plumbing

This demand has pushed companies to invest more in producing SUVs. I used to love them. The old American lookalike Mahindra’s were a big part of my childhood. But now it’s so common we expect every company to make them just like we expect every Kardashian to be naturally implanted. The new ones don’t even look butch. The average consumer being women with kids married to old farts. Let’s leave that aside, shall we?

So! If you are a metro-sexual man and you want to have a ‘balls to you’ appeal wagon, you could choose sports cars, but girls look better driving them. Yup am not lying. Boys got pickup trucks yo! The ultimate hairy chested wagons. Yeah! I feel so dramatic, I’m already imagining gold chains, sparkly teeth, unwanted piercings and a blunt.

For people who cannot comprehend what am talking about, you may have seen something called a Tata Mobile or a Tata 207 (India). Something like that but with a lot more luxuries and modern tech to enrich your soul.

Tata 207
Tata 207 locally called Tata Mobile

A pickup-truck is a popular type of passenger vehicle and has strong demand in parts like North America, Australia and Southern Africa.  They make about 40% of total passenger car sales in these regions.

To be honest I made that up. I do not know the actual figures.

North America  

The word ‘pickup truck’ may have its origins from the US. It was considered as a lifestyle vehicle since the 1950’s. Americas most loved pickup is the Ford F150 series. These things are huge. Look at the picture.

It stands 6 meters in length, 2 meters in width and 2 meters from top to bottom. That’s a family house in Bombay. Off course the fuel bills are sky high, what would you expect. The base price of the whole thing is around 20 lakh rupees (30k USD), which is not bad for a house in a metro city. Mind you it comes with proper household charging sockets, heated seats and 4G Wi-Fi. So yeah.

F150
Ford F150 Raptor

I love these things especially the sports version called a Raptor. That’s a sexy name. Its made to work on snow, sand and almost anything. Something this big is definitely going to intimidate your neighbourhood aunty. For Americans luxury means big or more, so the Raptor has 10 gears. Its got a big engine 3.5L V6 for people who understand what that means and it produces 450 horsepower also for people who understand that.

What’s a V6? Well, imagine a closed cylindrical cylinder. All the fuel gets sprayed into this system and explosions happen and the residual gasses come out at the back. That’s one cylinder. V6 means 6 of those and all stacked in a V shape. Why that shape? Lets say because of physics. So, it’s the same thing if it’s a V8, V10, V12 etc. 3.5 litres (3500 cc) is the total volume of all the cylinders put together.

Oh Lord, this is a science lesson all of a sudden.

 

South America

Donkey Wagon
Latin Donkey Wagon

Some of the most rugged all terrain utility vehicles you can imagine. This right here is the epitome of the utility vehicles. It’s got six-wheel drive like our picture suggests here or 4-wheel drive. Its only a matter of two minutes to change between the modes. Fuel is not a big problem as its readily available; credits to mother earth. Maintenance costs are pretty low. For people who want to save their pockets, this is the best. It does not come with any special features, but some models are food providers for infants. Choose your trim wisely. Only issue is manufacturing. It takes a long time to produce it for full capability.

In some parts like Mexico the best donkey available is the Nissan Navara NP300. They like it so much that it outsells tacos. I like the look of it, bold and classy. It comes with a 2.3L Bi-turbo diesel engine made by a French company.  It is by far the smallest motor in a lifestyle pickup.

Nissan NP300
Nissan Navara NP300 Enguard Concept

It is said to be having a car like ride because of the springs at the rear wheels. For the geeks it’s a multi-link setup over a conventional leaf spring. It’s the first truck to have that.

People who didn’t understand, it basically means that this vehicle doesn’t hop and bounce at the back. Most buses and trucks tend to hop while moving, that is eliminated. Its got all the creature comforts you can imagine. It is such a nice product that even Mercedes reached out to Nissan to use the underpinnings for their ‘own’ version. Not everything is German. See?

Arabia

Ahh…Land of my first name and women in black. What can you say ehh? The best off the tarmac vehicle here is the ship of the desert.

camel
Camel-Ship Of The Desert

This is one vehicle that has proven reliability in the most severe conditions. It is the only one that has been through the age of Jesus Christ and the age of abundantly limbed Thai angles. It can go days without fuel. Yes, engineers still have a lot to learn. It is a two-seater for the most part but can carry large loads of upto 450 kilograms plus two grown men. I don’t get why the Arabs are selling oil. The future is right here man. Its eco-friendly, no pollution. Apparently, its waste products can cure cancer.  There are models that are specialised for snow use only. Wow!

The most expensive ones can go upto 2.7 Million USD.  Hahaha… for a camel ??. Its all about passion my friends. As long as we keep the animal kingdom alive.

Toyota Hilux
Toyota Hilux TRD

Jokes apart. The Arabian pickup is nothing other than the Toyota Hilux. The word Toyota shines in every household in the region. And just like the camel it has served a dependable purpose. Toyota’s never break down, they claim. In-fact it is the most trusted car company in almost every part of the world. Hand on heart. Mr Toyoda, the founder started off the company to make his mothers life less stressful working on textiles. The company logo represents a needle and thread. Makes me soft every time.

So what is distinctive about this pickup? To start with it is a common vehicle presented on news channels. Most terrorist groups have used these as battle tanks for decades. That’s how tough it is. It is very good off-road, just like the camel. Decent on the money and the interior is swanky for a pickup; designed by 12-year olds.

Hilux
Toyota Hilux Interior

Design is not something that the Japanese are keen on. This interior looks like an organised chaos in my opinion. The center console is vertical than being at an angle like most interiors these days. Touchscreen on a pickup is a huge welcome. I like how they tried to go out of the way and make something stand out. Kudos to that ballsy attitude.

Southern Africa

Nope.. I am not doing the animal jokes here. The next one is pretty interesting. Ask any foreigner to give positive points about India and it would likely include our food, our proficiency in computers and our beautiful women. Everything else like me is incompetent.

I did this research over a year ago and was surprised that Mahindra, yes that jeep company has made it outside India. It even took over the Italian company that designs Ferrari’s.

Scorpio
Mahindra Scorpio Getaway/Pickup

The Mahindra Scorpio pickup is among the top 10 selling pickups in South Africa. It’s even a favourite in South America and Australia. The Scorpios simplicity and inexpensive price that has won the hearts of people around the world. In India we look at it as a utilitarian family mobile but elsewhere it is a pretty good off-roader. The wheel articulation (all wheels are on the ground when the vehicle is on an uneven surface like boulders) is phenomenal along with a lovely gearbox. It has an automatic locking differential which engages and disengages on its own whenever needed. Most vehicles listed in this post require the user to do that job.

I feel you, yes. Am not that interested in this either but you got to applaud Mahindra for moving outside the country. I mean who thought that a mass market rural product company could do that.

 

Australia

Apart from the Americans the Aussies are known for their love for pickups. They even have a name for it called ‘ute’. The Australian countryside has gravel roads in most part of the country where civilisation is limited. Hence there is a need for a vehicle that will do the job of carrying things as well as family outings over the weekend and a potent device in the harsh terrain. It is serious stuff this.  So a ute is something that looks like the picture below.   A Holden Maloo. It is entirely Aussie.

Holden Maloo
Holden Maloo VXR8

Its part sports car, part pickup, part family cruiser. Sadly, this has been discontinued from the market few months back. They will not make it anymore. I would love to own one. Such a niche vehicle especially with the V8 motor from GM. It doesn’t make a practical case I guess. Hence for decades the Aussies have been using Toyotas, like I said before. But now there is more to choose on the plate. Say hello to the European approach.

Europe

VW Amarock
Volkswagen Amarok

The Volkswagen Amarok is not as popular as its Japanese competition but it has proven a lot in the space. To start with its German, you know how I feel about that. Its probably the first luxury pickup ever. It does score well in all the performance tests, wasn’t a surprise. Its got all the electronic trickery to help it off road and on road. Good built quality and lots of money to pay upfront. It is a 9/10 vehicle on paper. It comes with a ZF 8-speed gearbox, centre and rear diff locks and….. Alright am feeling sleepy talking about this thing. Move to India.

India

While the rest of the world is all sensible and catching up with safety. Behold the magnificence of the brown race ladies and gentlemen, this is how we roll.

MM Bolero
Mahindra Bolero Pickup Overload

This is what you call a pickup and truck all in one machine. Its got tattoos on its side maybe to indicate its origins if you’re not familiar.  I wonder what’s in there, but it does test the durability and reliability of the vehicle to its max. Common sight this. Off-course no driver deliberately prepares himself to be killed. The reason behind overloading is due to the capital earned at the end of the trip. India being a nation with most of the population in poverty spec and fraudulent business tactics, they got to cut corners. Very sad indeed.

D-max
Isuzu D-Max

That’s not the Indian equivalent of a lifestyle vehicle though. We have in our market the Isuzu D-max, a Japanese contender nonetheless. This is the only proper lifestyle pickup in India and it is a global product. It has a good mix of luxury and off-road ability at-least considering the price it is offered in. 13 lakh rupees (20k USD) for something like this is a bargain. Mind you it has all the features including touch enabled entertainment system, proper 4×4, beige interiors, climate control, and airbags to name a few. Come on. That’s better than the Renault/Dacia Duster. You get more car for the money plus the reliability factor. Its just delicious. Only drawback? It is a farm vehicle everywhere else. Hehe..sorry.

Special Mention 

Ridgeline
Honda Ridgeline

Honda Ridgeline – The ridgeline is the worlds first front-wheel-drive pickup and the only one with a Monocoque chassis. It is built and sold mostly in the American market probably due to the value of Honda products there. The powertrain consists of a 3.5L V6 petrol engine and full time AWD. This pickup is not as tough as the ones above but is definitely a usable machine. It makes a lot of sense for the urban consumers where heavy duty isn’t a major requirement.

So there we have it. What started with camels, horses, donkeys and bulls has made its way to pickups. This may be the only type of vehicle that will last a long time in the industry. Because it can be used for various duties as you have read so far. I’m not keen on seeing an electric version of these though.

Electric mobility is the future as claimed by that t**t running Tesla. I don’t know why people are amazed by E-vehicles. 0-100kmph on teslas shouldn’t be a surprise. It is secondary school physics, if you understand electricity. 

In my mind electric cars are like LGBT (lesbian…) of the car world. It has been in existence but realised now. You got to accept it somehow.

Oye ! I respect everyone. Please dont frown. Cheers!